Jokes to share

What Kids Know About the Ocean

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island . If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men, a woman and some pots and comes back with crabs. ( Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8.) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers at night. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8.)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

LOL!!! Those were cute.

LMAO!!!!! hilarious!!! I think my favorite was "A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head"

Are You Ready For Flu Season?

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water, floating.... of all things... was a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" Pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know, that I haven't had the flu all winter?"

LOL!!!

I usually have a house full of sick people during the winter months. Maybe I should try Miss Beatrice's method.

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say, Mom, why is my bigger brother named 'Mighty Storm'?" the boy asks.

"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," the mother answers.

"Why is my sister named 'Cornflower'?"

"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called 'Moonchild'?"

"We were watching the moon landing when she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

DonnaKat wrote:

Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Hi All just stopped by. Thought I would share a joke that was sent to me via e-mail.....



There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat............

10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

DonnaKat wrote:

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say, Mom, why is my bigger brother named 'Mighty Storm'?" the boy asks.

"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," the mother answers.

"Why is my sister named 'Cornflower'?"

"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called 'Moonchild'?"

"We were watching the moon landing when she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Donna Kat I heard that joke only it was a young brave and not a little boy and he was asking the chief of the villiage and the braves name ended up being Two Dogs F'ing

Okay, I caused enough trouble I better get out of here before you run me out.... Have a nice night and stop by once in a while, I would love to have you.

LOL Dianne!

lol...oh no!

I finally heard (read) a new (to me) joke while playing Warcraft.

is so stupid he took a ruler to bed with him to see how long he sleeps.

Quote :

Stupid b!tch....why else would I buy dog food.

My dad bought dog food to feed his koi-like gold fish.

But you know, sometimes stupid questions are just small talk, too. Maybe she had a dog too and wanted to talk about it. Or she knew about dogs.

Okay, here's your corny dumb blonde joke for the day:

Why did the dumb blonde lose her job at the M&M factory?

Because she kept throwing out all the ones that had a "W" on them.

Nay's post somewhere else reminded me of this joke.

Where do women's hair grow the thickest and the curliest?

Africa.

A man is showering up in a locker room
With his buddy when he notices his friend
Is very well endowed.

'Damn, Bob, you're hung!' Jim exclaims.
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to
Work for it.'

'What do you mean?' Jim asked.

'Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
With butter. I know it sounds crazy but
It actually made it grow 4 inches! You
Should try it.'


Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the
Same locker room and Bob asks Jim
How his situation was.

Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob,
But I've actually gotten smaller! I lost
Two inches already!'

'Did you do everything I told you? An
Hour each day with butter?'

'Well, I was out of butter, so I've
Been using Crisco.'


Crisco!!?' Bob exclaimed. '
Damm it, Jim,
Crisco is shortening!


MORAL OF THE STORY: You gotta follow the recipe &
men don't listen!

LOL! Good one. Reminds me of something my husband says men say a lot in public restrooms.

Guy #1 in bathroom stall: Good God, this water's cold!

Guy #2 in bathroom stall: And deep too!

Ger

Why did the blond have rectangular boobs?

Because she didn't know you're suppose to take the tissue out of the boxes.

Ger

uiii I am glad that I know where my tissue box is...

It's OK because I'm a blonde.

Confucious say, "Blonde may be blonde on head but be brunette, by cracky!"

Ger