Questions That Haunt Me

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing those two songs?

LOL!!!!! I totally started singing those songs before I saw the next question....these are hilarious Nay!!! I also like, why is bra singular and panties plural....very funny..

Makes you think...

I have some deep thoughts, somewhere.

LOL!!!! Those are very interesting questions.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

My Dad does this.

Why do cats always want to be on the opposite side of a closed door?

Why does the guy on the other side of the building come into our office the same time every day to use our bathroom to take a dump?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
--------------------------------------
And Gerry never shaves?

More importantly, why do I have a plaque inside my walk-in closet above all my shoe shelves that says:

One shoe can change your life ~ Cinderella

when no one ever sees it but me? Or put another way, why I have I decorated my closet with wall art?


Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm.

I am so bored.

Can you cry under water?
Yes. Your goggles will get all blurry on the inside. Please do not blow snot into the pool.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
When you say "Jump!" and 50+ people jump, and when you say "Jump off the bridge!" and 50+ people jump off the bridge.

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
No, no, no! It costs more to get others to listen to you than for them to talk about themselves to you. That's why good listeners make great friends.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Everyone is naked in heaven, like in the Garden of Eden. And only Mormons go to heaven.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Because square boxes are the cheapest shape to make.

What disease did cured ham actually have?
Oxygen poisoning.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
We knew about wheels on luggage decades ago. The skycap and bellhop unions bribed luggage manufacturers to not make luggage with wheels.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
It's called having a different perspective.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
While you change, the doctor is doing something else productive, like ordering a new Bentley. By the way, doctors don't care about your nakedidity. Their wives/mistesses/girlfriends/husbands/boytoys/etc. are hotter looking than you.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
It's a guy thing. They have to have more.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If you toast a slice of potato with that setting, do you get a potato chip/crisp?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
How do you crack corn?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
For the same reason he has no name.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Pluto was paid to act like a dog.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Same reason athletes want to win Olympic medals, not just buy them at the trophy store. It's the kill/win they crave.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Baby oil is made from mineral babies. Pop Tarts are made from jumping prostitutes.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Yes. Amoral people have more fun.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes. So does most of Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Why did you just try singing those two songs?
I didn't. Ralph did on The Simpsons.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Same reason you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Same reason you repeatedly jab the Close Door button in the elevator/lift to make the door close faster.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Same reason governments jail poor people who can't afford to pay their taxes.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Paint doesn't burn your finger like stars do.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Cheeta is a barber.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
He's impervious to high speed objects, but is vulnerable to slow items. Same as the shield in Dune.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
To keep their heads and ears warm and the better to ram you with.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
*can't type anthwer becauthe I'm laughing my athth off*

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Not enough dye in the bubble bath. For colored bubbles, add 1 portion of food coloring or dye of your choice to 1 portion of bubble bath.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Flashbacks. That used to work in childhood when the grown ups kept filling the gaps in the refrigerator with food and drinks.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Noise and exhaust fumes from vacuum cleaners cause brain damage.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They weren't dead when they first got in.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Some do. They get arrested for Aisle Rage, or get mangled by fellow Aisle Ragers.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
You're a klutz.

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
You keep your house at 90F/32C or higher in the winter?

And my FAVORITE ......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
That's not a question.

thanks for the giggle!!

and for your next trivia contest: the professor's name was roy hinkley!