Link here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0124930/board/thread/125208126
I just got a hot copy of what went down at Bar Deluxe the other night when Gerry met Matthew Perry for the first time. Thanks to my friend Fuzzy Navel who tends bar, we got every uncensored word.
G: (screaming at the top of his voice) Hey, do you *beep* know me? I was in "300"!
M: And that was what...two *beep* years ago?
G: Where do I *beep* know you from?
M: I was in "Friends" for *beep* years, you know, a hit TV show...
G: Never heard of it. A *beep* soap opera?
M: No man! A *beep* sitcom that starred six of us, ya know...maybe you heard of Jennifer Aniston?
G: Who the *beep*? Is she the pretty black girl?
M (exasperated!): NOOO! What *beep* decade are you living in, man?
G: No wait wait wait...yes, I know who she is. I think I met her recently, some project(mumbling). She tried to cop a feel but but my boys didn't budge. She's twenty years older too old plus I don't like *beep* blondes.
M (laughing): She won't take my *beep* calls any longer. I did a fruit drink commercial in Japan though that paid well. I'm *beep* well-known over there.
G: She only does younger guys so it's no big *beep* deal. I could probably work with her if the production assistants are in their *beep* early twenties, ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaaa! Me mum would kill me for that! This is madness!
M: Getting any work lately? I'm pissed cuz all I can find is a *beep* walk-on for "30 Rock".
G: I'm ready to start filming "Law Abiding Citizen" in Indianapolis in March of 2010, I think. We had gotten Zeta-Jones to co-star but now it looks like we will have to settle for Lara Flynn Boyle. Jamie Foxx has signed but he hasn't returned a call since, so I don't know about this film. They're gonna make me shave my dome and grow a *beep* goatee. I'll be sportin' tats galore and some sort of scar. I can't wait to read the fanfics about my prison character banging the fangurls.
M: Lara Flynn Boyle? Is she even *beep* alive? Excuse me while I blow chunks! Who in the hell is managing your productions? Someone writes stories about your film roles? Again, I wouldn't know. I think I did a movie once.
G: My manager is Alan Siegel. He's a *beep* hot property now. He told me that he has me sewn up for the role of Herman in the "Munsters" movie they are starting up soon. I also play an evil cop in "Robocop VI". I'm looking forward to the Spartan workouts I'll have to perfect again for the cop role. I can't believe you haven't asked me about my workouts for "300". Everyone wants to know how I did it. I can still wear my leather codpiece. Sometimes I put it on even though I can't snap it anymore these days, I wear it around the house to remember how powerful, really powerful I felt back then. I was so powerful, man. It was a powerful, powerful film. It really wasn't CGI, ya know. Ha-ha-haaaaaa!
M: Well, I wouldn't know about *beep* workouts. I just had liposuction of my chin area and gut. That's *beep* real, man!
G: Crappppppp! That *beep* girlyman Pattison just came in...look at the chicks, man. They won't even look at me, it's all about him and that *beep* vampire movie. A Scot can't get a break, ya know! I might as well leave and go to Hyde and see if I can find Green Lighter Chick or Ponytail Girl. I could do lunch with Fry Guy tomorrow. I could drop by Villa and see if Cheryl Burke is still around. I may end up at Starbuck's nursing a latte and some lemon loaf.
M: What the hell is our problem? We're rich, famous, and we can't find love! I think you could be my soulmate, man! Haha. I gotta warn you, I'm still rehabbing daily. No more Oxy-jonesin' for me, no more booze either.
G: The only ones I can get for sure would be my fangurls. But I won't do them, at least not in this lifetime, hahahaaaaaaa! Damn it man, I could bang out a big stinky that resembled Chernobyl emissions at their max and my fangurls would squeal and claim it smelled like a rose garden! No one can stand me because of my *beep* mouth and I flip everyone off daily. I'm cranky, chronically late, and totally unreliable. I can't keep a girl more than a week. Ah, rehab. Never did it. I'm sober too. I don't drink. I know better. It makes me flip people off, sweat too much, look bloated and tired, cuss, smack paps, and end up on TMZ. Of course, they all think I'm boozing again now but I'm not.
M: Why I am here, man? I've got a sofa at the house and a remote with my *beep* name on it.
G: I don't know! I was hoping someone would recognize me but all I got was a lousy Beowulf doll to sign. I thought I looked cool with my muscle T and my holey jeans and Euro golf shoes. Can't I pass for a twenty-something with my wrist string bracelets? Damn it, I forgot my *beep* skull ring!
SO FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!