One Day In The Life Of ...

Subject: One Day In The Life Of ... Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:05 am

Hello lovely ladies!

The rules of the game are simple. The story is about one day in the life of a semi-famous action/rom-com movie star. Morning, noon and night. Add a paragraph on from the person who posts above you and try to make it totally irreverent (but not cruel).

Keep it porn-free please Wink

Hey, that just made me think of the movie 'Born Free' ................ my mind is a strange and wonderful thing sometimes.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:06 am

"Honey, honey how you thrill me, uh huh!" ... the phone trilled Abba in what seemed like the middle of the cold, snowy night. A long, hairy arm emerged from beneath the duckdown doona and grappled towards the bedside table.

"What the f/ck! Who changed my ring tone?" growled an obviously cranky voice. "Jaysus, it can't be time to go. I only went to bed 3 hours ago!"

"I'm sorry sir," came the soothing voice of a nameless, faceless production assistant. "Mr S asked me to call you when the stunt crew were ready for your fitting."

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:41 am

"All right. I'll be there in an hour."

Rolling out of bed and mumbling curses to himself as he relieved an itch in his nether regions, he headed toward the shower.

"Hour nothing. I gotta take a crap first. After that late bean burrito dinner last night, this might take a while."

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sat Mar 14, 2009 6:59 pm

Two hours later, he arrives at the set, crusty-eyed, unshaven and still grumpy.

"Finally!" screeched Mr S. "Do you realise we are paying people to just wait around for you?"

Receiving a squinty glare as the only response, Mr S nudged his charge towards the make-up van. "Gawd, they'll need to trowel it on today. Espresso - double. Pronto!"

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:31 am

Finally, out of the van, clad in camouflage and accessories, dabbed with concealer and mineral make-up and smudged with blood and bruises, strode a new man, a different man - a warrior man. Mr S, however, continued to buzz around like a little mosquito seemingly unaware of imminent danger.

Fully alert now (after a triple espresso, no pansy-a$$ed latte), our highly-strung artiste moved towards his designated starting place in the scene. The grizzled, veteran director jumped from his canvas chair and threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Do you understand what you have to do here?" enquired the pro.

"Yes, of course I do. Let's just get it done," snapped his cranky charge.

"Hmmm ... someone's shorts are TOO tight this morning!" snorted the DP. Thankfully, his words weren't heard by many. It was just too early in the work day for World War Three.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:55 am

The director went back to his canvass chair and yelled...'Quiet on the set"...the "clapper" guy said "Scene 109...Take 17". There was a loud explosion and who could be seen coming out of the smoke and fire?

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:51 pm

"What the ^&*%??" exclaimed the grumpy actor. "Who the hell hired Carrot Top???"

"CUT!" yelled the grizzled director. "When I say quiet on the set, I mean quiet on the set!!! And that includes YOU, Mister Do You Know Who I Am Hotshot Actor!"

"Can we take a break? I gotta take a piss," replied Carrot Top.

"Okay, let's take ten."

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:24 pm

"WTF?" boomed the grumpy one.

A young production assistant hesitantly tried, "Excuse me sir."

On raged the artiste, "Why does he get a wizz break while I don't get more than three hours sleep? Who does he think he is? This is MY movie! MINE!"

"Um, excuse me sir," chimed the assistant persistenly.

"Who hired that complete 'tard? He's unreliable and unprofessional!"

"Excuse me, sir," came a small voice once more.

"WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU WHINY WANKER?"

Gulping down a deep breath and waiting for the explosion, the assistant took a step backwards. "Um, sir, um you dropped your toopee ..."

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

Spittle flew.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:01 am

Ladies ... One Day In The Life Of ... 646968

And so we continue ...

"I've told you and told you! It's not a toupee. They're f/cking hair extensions!" steamed the star. "You people just don't understand my character!!" And with that, he stormed off to talk to the stunt co-ordinator.

Carrot Top ambled back onto the set, showing a vacant grin and trailing toilet paper on the heel of his shoe.

"Are we ready now, gentlemen?" hollered the director. "Can I have my warriors front and centre please?"

Our main man moved into position after tossing one more dark glare at his opponent.

"Remember this is the first battle scene. You've both lost men in the skirmishes but this is the first time you meet face-to-face, mano-a-mano. Give me power. Give me hatred. Give me passion," directed the veteran.

With that, heads swivelled like wacky wobblers towards him. "Ah come on, you know I mean passionate anger! Not that sort of passion."

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:39 am

"That's not what you said when I signed the contract. You said I'd have a love scene." retorted Carrot Top, the toilet paper still hanging from his shoe while a female extra was on her hands and knees, attempting to remove it.

"What's she doing down there?" grunted the grumpy star. "If anyone's getting that sort of action on this set, it's going to be me. It's in my contract."

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sun Feb 07, 2010 6:47 pm

"The love scene's for my character, dickmunch! Never send a boy in for a man's job" came the sarcastic rebuttal.

"Speaking of, where is the leading lady? Al, did you hire that one I told you about? The one from the nightclub, the dancer?"

"Yes, oh manly one," cooed Mr S. "She's in the car on the way. That's why we need to finish this bleeding scene!"

The last sentence was screeched at the top of his lungs whilst standing on his size 7 tippy toes.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:43 pm

Eight hours later, the battle (first of many) was wrapped. The Special Effects teams were cloistered in a dark room speaking a foreign 'geeky' language. Rewrites for tomorrow's plays had started. Lunch had been eaten by the worker bees. The Director had run out of pills.

Annnd ..... the artiste had all but forgotten his leading lady. You know ..... the dancer. *wink, wink*

In the day's fading light, a vaguely annoying, deep throated buzz could be heard and this time it was not the dulcet tones of Mr S.

A Suzuki GSX - R 600 blew in with a cloud of dust.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:42 am

Long legs straddled a throbbing engine.
Tightly muscled physique was clad in black leather.
Long dark hair swayed in the ocean breeze.
Gentle hands tipped in red rested on the handlebars.

For our high maintenance 'star', this was a school-boy porn fantasy come to life (for free).

With a graceful bend and twist, off came the rider's helmet.

"Hi, I'm Tess. Where do you want me?"

Moan. Whimper. Drool.Keening cry.................. Utter silence.

Finally, after a quick glance around and a discrete adjustment to his gladiator pants, our leading man managed to gurgle, "Who are you?"

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:11 pm

"Who am I? I'm the lead role. Who are you?"came the flippant reply.

Utter silence.

Even the producer's greyhound moved out of range after this question.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:12 am

Our manly star's comical facial expressions during the 'angry discussion' with his manager were sneakily captured by the telephoto lens of a TMZ paparazzi hiding behind the portaloo.

Posting to the web took less than thirty minutes. The tongue-in-cheek caption was "Life after Botox".

The grizzled director sighed and sank into his chair.
The DP sighed over Tess' bike.
The stuntmen just sighed.

Everyone waited. Again.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:50 pm

LOL!!!!!

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:00 am

"Hey'all, what's with Princess over there?" inquired the new arrival.

Tess was quickly hustled to a safe corner, out of earshot. With furtive eyes glancing back and forth and hushed voices, the welcoming committee of caterer, boom operator, dolly grip and wardrobe mistress quickly explained the does and don'ts of life with their mercurical leading man.

No eye contact was to be Lesson #1.

Meanwhile, click/click went the hidden camera.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:26 am

Princess' right arm pointed sharply at Tess while his left rested on his hip. A fore-finger then pointed in Al's direction as a sneer, complete with lip curl, crossed his face.

The reaction?

A small, black, spiral-bound book appeared from a pocket in Al's crushed velvet jacket. With an almost insolent lick of his pointer finger and a flamboyant wrist flourish, pages were turned.

Words, incriminating words, were read aloud.

Before their amazed eyes, the Princess deflated like a catholic on Good Friday.

What ... was ... in ... that ... book?

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Fri Mar 05, 2010 6:22 am

I've seen Catholics on Good Friday, but I've never seen one deflated. Please describe that in a different way that I can understand.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Fri Mar 05, 2010 4:55 pm

Palm Sunday = elation.
Good Friday = deflation.
Easter = elation.

Now! This is a fictitious story of one day in the life of a supermegahunkstar. No more explanations.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Fri Mar 05, 2010 6:32 pm

Okay. So the princess becomes somber and respectful and worshipful and pensive and sad.

Since this is not a literature class Sleep

, I expect to understand all the words and concepts.

Subject: Re: One Day In The Life Of ... Fri Mar 05, 2010 8:51 pm

You expect?

Hombre, you are from the South. You don't speakie la englishie so understandin' may be complicated. Laughing

Please remember I bruise easily.

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