| | MarCon - a pic captioning thread | |
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DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:39 pm | |
| Here are some excerpts from the Pic Captioning thread from the Steve Bacic forum I participated in after the MarCon convention in Ohio in May 2007. I hope you enjoy! Steve: "See Dick. See Jane. See Dick run. See Jane run. See Dick run after Jane. See Jane run from Dick. See Spot. See Spot run after Dick. See Spot attack Dick. See Spot hump Jane's leg. Good dog Spot. What the #@$%# is this???" Kevin: "It's my new children's book. Do you like it?"
Last edited by DonnaKat on Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:38 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:41 pm | |
| Kevin: "Why, I do have a nice right ear, don't I?" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:41 pm | |
| Kevin: "I don't know what you people are talking about. I'm completely sober! I mean...do I look like I'm drunk? Come on, give me a break!" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:42 pm | |
| Kevin: "The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout... Come on, Steve, don't be a spoil sport. You do your hands like this. Now follow me, and sing along." Steve: "This panel sucks." Kevin: "Fine, you don't want to play along? You just wait till later, when I break out the 'Twister' game." Steve: ".............help...." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:43 pm | |
| **Later**Steve: "Kevin went home, didn't he? Please tell me he went home. Oh crap, there he is walking in the hallway. I'll just cover my face like this. He didn't see me, did he?" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:44 pm | |
| Kevin: "Aaaand let me just adjust my chair thus and so...." Steve: "Kevin, why do you always have to be the center of attention? That girl was obviously wanting to snap a picture of me." Kevin: "No she wasn't. She was wanting a shot of my hairy chest." Steve: "In your dreams! Now, lean back so she can get another shot of my non-metrosexual hunkiness!" Steve ( thinking): "Okay, let me remind myself why I'm here. My girls are here to see me. Okay, but Kevin is taking over the panel. I mean, I could be sleeping right now. I'm bored. I'm hungry. I need tequila. Is it 2:00 yet? Would they notice if I slipped out? Nah...can't do that. Julie would kick my a** for sure. Crap. Maybe I can divert her attention. Nope...she saw me, and she's giving me that look. Better look interested in what's going on." Steve ( thinking): "Now wait a minute...why am I afraid of Julie? I mean, come on...she's working for me, right? I'm the boss...it's not the other way around. If I want to leave, I'll just leave. What's she gonna do, anyway? So, I'll just get up and....and....okay, why aren't my legs moving??" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:47 pm | |
| Kevin: "I think I wore myself out talking. I'm tired. Can you take over, Steve? Steve???" Steve: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." Kevin: "And then there was the wig and the sword they planted to try to get me to slip. But you know, I didn't? I kept going with the scene, without even flinching. I mean, it takes a professional to do that....and..." Steve: "I think this guy's been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. Does he ever stop talking??" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:48 pm | |
| Steve: "...and then the reindeer goosed me and I was all..." Steve: "You wouldn't hit a guy with a baby in his arms, would ya? See me? Don't I look adorable holding the toddler?" Baby ( thinking): "If this schmuck doesn't put me down soon, I'm going to give him a diaper full he'll never forget." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:49 pm | |
| **Suddenly and without warning, the red fire alarm situated right next to Steve's ear goes off**Fire Alarm: "RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING!!" Steve: "NNUUUYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAA!!" . **Later**Kevin: "And then Steve and I both auditioned for the same role. It was awkward when they chose me over him, but he's a good guy. He understands. Right Steve? Steve?" Steve ( thinking): "As soon as this panel is over, I'm going to tell my girls to beat the crap out of you." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:51 pm | |
| Steve: "Okay...since none of you are asking questions, I'm going to read a passage from "Translating German for Dummies". Let's see, what does this say...."Always breathe relaxed through the holes in your pants." What the....?" Kevin: "Idiot." **Later, the next day**Kevin ( singing): "Ohhhhh, don't get your panties in a wad, don't get your panties in a wad, I once read a German translation that said, don't get your panties in a wad..." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:53 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing a country song): "Ohhhh, I once squeezed by butt cheeks so tightly together that my underwear got in a wad, I was so sad and lonely that day, cuz my ex ran her truck over my dog..." **audience boos and throws tomatoes at Kevin**Kevin: "Oh, all right...here, let me sing you another..." Kevin ( singing): "Ohhhhh, my name is Goofy, they call me Goofy, when I was on Hercules my hair was poofy, ohhhhhhhhhhhh..." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:54 pm | |
| **Kevin continues to serenade the panel audience**Kevin ( singing): "Welllll, I breathed through my pants and I lit me a match and the whole room went 'KABOOOOOOOOM', Steve said it stunk then Gordon let a funk, and the girls kept crying 'We're doomed'....ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Kevin ( singing): "Ohhhh, I gave my love a trout with almond butter, it didn't cost a thing cuz I caught it in the gutter, she ate it with some watermelon on a bun, that's all the words to this song, now I'm done." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:55 pm | |
| Kevin: "And now ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to sing you a song entitled "Ode to My Right Ear". Ahem....** begins singing** "Ohhhhh, my right ear, it looks so dear, my fans love to look, at the lobe they're hooked. My right ear, my right ear, this is an ode to my right ear. My left ear is cute, yes it's true, but my right ear is better so anywho...my ear, my right ear, it is the best in the land, my right ear, my right ear, everyone give it a hand. Thank you." **silence....crickets chirping....somewhere, a dog barks...a cat meows...more silence...a snake hisses...a fan hisses.....more silence**Steve: "............................" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:56 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing yet again): "Ohhhh, I had a bison burger, and after that I crapped....no wait. That's not right. Lemme try again. Ohhhhh, I had a bison booger, after I took a crap...no, that's not right either. Steve, help me." Steve: "I don't think it's possible." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:57 pm | |
| Kevin: "And this one's dedicated to the cute blonde in the third row...you know who you are. Ahem...Ohhhh, you be the chip and I'll be the poker, if you play your cards right we can make Steve broker. I'm a five card stud and I'm ready to dance, let's have some fun and breathe through our pants. Thank you." Kevin: "Wait...before I sit down, I gotta look and see if the guitar is still there. I want to perform an encore during the second half of this panel." Steve: "Awww, $#%^%$$ no." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:59 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing): "Well.....I got me a box of matches, everyone batten down the hatches, I'm gonna light 'em up, so you had better hurry up, and run for the hills just like a frightened pup, cuz I got me a box of matches, ready to fire 'em up!" Kevin ( singing): "Well.....they warned me not to light a match when I'm a breathin' through my pants, they warned me they said 'Kevin, don't you take that chance', but I'm a brave daring soul and danger is my goal, so I lit a box of matches and now it smells like coalllllllllllllllllllllll.................. ohhhhhhhhhhh...." **BOINK**Kevin: "I can't believe you hit me over the head with that guitar. I thought you were my friend." Steve: "For the love of all that is good in the world, I had to. Somebody please bring me some Tylenol and a glass of vodka." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:01 pm | |
| Steve: "Okay, so the point was to jump over the front row of hot young things lined up for the group picture. It looked like a piece of cake...I mean, how hard is it to jump over two thin women, right? Then Donna decides to join the front row. Hmph. I swear, her butt must be about this wide!" DonnaKat: "I'm so gonna kick your ass after this panel is over." Steve ( reading from book): "Wednesday morning: had a dream about swimming in an ocean. Woke up with full bladder. Went to bathroom, looked in mirror. My, what a handsome chap I am! Lifted up hair. Looked at right ear. Admired right ear. Went and got digital camera. Went back into bathroom. Took picture of self with digital camera. Admired picture of self. Printed out picture of self and placed it gently under sleeping wife's pillow." Kevin: "Hey, that's my diary! How dare you!!" | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:03 pm | |
| Kevin: "Watch this, Steve. I do my hands like this, and I make a shadow puppet on the wall...and look! It's the spittin' image of you! Isn't that cool?" Steve: "Kevin...that IS my shadow on the wall." Kevin: "Oh." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:04 pm | |
| Steve ( daydreaming): "Hmmmm, I'm running barefoot through a field of wildflowers. The wind is in my hair....the sun is on my face...the scent of fresh rain on the grass is invigorating. Someone is running towards me from a distance. Tall, blond hair, and she's wearing a yellow bikini. She's coming closer...closer...closer..." Steve: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"**Later**Steve: "It was horrible, dude." Kevin: "You dozed off during one of your panels again, didn't you?" Steve: "Yep." Kevin: "Yeah, me too. We gotta start getting more sleep during these conventions." Steve: "Yep...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:05 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing): "Since you've been gone, since you've been gone, girl, welllll there's no one here to pull my finger, since you've been gone. I'm so alone, like a dog with no bone, I try to call you on the phone but you're not at home, and now I have to pull my own finger of foam. It just ain't the same, I need a real finger it's lame, to pull on a foam finger like a man with no brain, so I'm sittin' here home alone just a missin' my babe....and a pullin' my finger...and I sit here and linger....just a pullin' my finger...." Steve: "Kevin, have you ever thought about a full time career in music?" Kevin: "No, not really. I...." Steve: "Good." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:08 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing): "We like the moon, coz it is close to us, we like the moon, but not as much as a spoon cos that’s more use for eating soup, and a fork isn’t very useful for that unless it has got many vegetables, and then you might be better off with a chopstick, unlike the moon, it is up in the sky, it’s up there very high but not as high as maybe dirigibles or zeppelins or light bulbs and maybe clouds, and puffins also I think maybe they go quite high too, maybe not as high as the moon, coz the moon is very high, we like the moon, the moon is very useful everyone, everybody like the moon, because it light up the sky at night and it lovely and it makes the tide go and we like it but not as much as cheese, we really like cheese we like zeppelins, we really like them and we like kelp and we like moose and we like deer and we like marmots and we like all the fluffy animals, we really like the moon." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:09 pm | |
| Kevin ( singing): "Well, put another frog on the pyre, cook me up some weenies and some cheese..." Kevin ( singing): "Welllllllllllll, have you seen my forcelance, it's big and long and hard, have you seen my forcelance, it's length it is two yards, have you seen my forcelance, if not I can show you, my forcelance is the best there is, and now my song is through." | |
| | | DonnaKat Head Cheese, Pantry Raider, Your Everlovin' Forum Administrator
Number of posts : 9607 Location : In my skin Registration date : 2008-10-28
| Subject: Re: MarCon - a pic captioning thread Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:10 pm | |
| Kevin: "And now I'm going to sing a country and western song for you. I wrote it myself. Here we go....*ahem*....Welllllll, I'd like to bottle up a fart and mail it to you dear, just to show how much I care, but I cain't cuz you locked me out and I'm standin' in the street, wearing only my underwear, welllllll...." Kevin: "Ohhhhhhhhh Linda, oh Linda, lemme bare my butt for you Linda, you see it ain't nothing personal I like you as a friend, but to take a kiss from you for Steve it'll have to be on my rear end, oh Linda...." | |
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