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 The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss

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Dallas
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PostSubject: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2010 2:59 pm

This is kind of funny.....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/aug/03/bounty-hunter-digested-watch


The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss

If you don't fancy being handcuffed to Jennifer Aniston for 110 minutes of teeth-gnashing romcom clich├ęs, Paul MacInnes offers an escape route with his condensed version of this week's DVD release


THE BOUNTY HUNTER
By PAUL MACINNES, with apologies to SARAH THORP

SCENE1

EXT. Day. The sophisticated streets of New York. On every corner an iconic sight; a yellow taxi, a hot dog stand, a Scottish bruiser BRAWLING in the middle of the road. Gerard Butler is that bruiser. He is the modern leading man, the JOWLS that launched a thousand scripts, and he is RUGBY-TACKLING a woman half his size to the floor.

GERARD BUTLER:
C'mere ya wee scumbag!
The woman falls to the ground and her face is revealed. It is RACHEL FROM FRIENDS. She is just as radiant as she was when she first played this EXACT SAME ROLE 20 years ago.

JENNIFER ANISTON:
Get off of me you big lump!
GERARD BUTLER:
Ta for the compliment doll. But a totally implausible set of circumstances means ah've got to turn you in. Because I'm a bounty hunter
JENNIFER ANISTON [trying to fake incredulity]:
And I'm your ex-wife!
Cut to the ghosts of KATHARINE HEPBURN and SPENCER TRACEY with their heads in their hands

SCENE 2

Ext. Panoramic shot of Atlantic City, a CITY OF DREAMS. If your dreams extend no further than a desire to LOSE MONEY and GET DRUNK. Fortunately these are Gerard Butler's two identifiable character traits.

Cut to...

Interior. Night. An Atlantic City hotel. Gerard Butler has returned from the CASINO to find his ex-wife where he left her, HANDCUFFED to the bed.

JENNIFER ANISTON:
Mmmm look at me, I'm handcuffed to the bed. Mmmm, isn't that unfortunate. Mmmm, sex.
Gerard Butler has his head nestled in the middle of a CHEESESTEAK SANDWICH. He raises his eyes.

GERARD BUTLER:
Didye say sumthin' hen?
JENNIFER ANISTON [indignant]:
Oh no, don't mind me. After all I'm used to it. I'm just a 41-year-old woman who's still forced to take roles in which I not only have to pretend to be attracted to an ogre like you, but also have to spend the rest of the movie being ogled by men who, in my real life, I would cross to the other side of the country to avoid!
Jennifer Aniston bursts into tears.

GERARD BUTLER:
Christ hen, keep your girdle on.
Butler attempts to shift his face from its CUSTOMARY SNEER into something approaching SYMPATHETIC. He wanders over to Aniston and pats her on the head like he might A SMALL DOG. Cheesy grease is dripping from his chin.

JENNIFER ANISTON [through gritted teeth]:
I may be a strong independent woman on the outside, but on the inside I'm just a girl who wants to be loved by her man.*
SCENE 3

Int. Night. A New Jersey TATTOO PARLOUR. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are hiding behind a bar, trying to work out WHAT is going on with THE PLOT.

JENNIFER ANISTON:
So, we took a completely pointless tour of New Jersey, that much I'm sure of.
GERARD BUTLER:
Aye. And there's something about whether our mutual friend is working for a ruthless killer.
JENNIFER ANISTON:
But seeing as he's the only black member of the cast, I'd say that's unlikely.
GERARD BUTLER:
Fair point doll.
JENNIFER ANISTON:
And now, here we are, about to solve the entire mystery.
GERARD BUTLER:
What mystery?
JENNIFER ANISTON:
I hope that's what we're going to find out.
GERARD BUTLER:
Pure excellent! So why don't youse go and flirt with someone while I do some shooting?
JENNIFER ANISTON:
[adjusting her dress to emphasise her cleavage]: Another small part of me dies. Oh, and honey, you've got some bacon stuck in your teeth.
GERARD BUTLER:
All part of the charm, hen.
The pair reel up from behind the bar in SLOW MOTION. It's just like the end of BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, except they both died, while you know another film like this one is ONLY AROUND THE CORNER.

*This is an actual line from the movie
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Nay
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Nay

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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2010 4:12 pm

"Keep your girdle on!" may become my new favourite. Laughing
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DonnaKat
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2010 6:53 pm

I read this earlier and was cracking up! Laughing
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LadyNOLA
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2010 9:26 pm

It really was a pretty bad movie. Blah
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DonnaKat
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2010 10:09 pm

I haven't even seen it yet. Blah
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LegoJulie
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2010 12:04 am

It's on pay-per-view on Dish Network now. Should come on some movie channel soon.
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greyeyegoddess
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2010 12:24 am

I'll wait until it's on regular cable, like PSILY is now.
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pamelajane
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeThu Aug 05, 2010 10:33 am

I vowed not to see this movie, but a friend of mine sent it to me as a gift. I kept putting off seeing it, but finally watched it on Saturday night. My poor friend waisted her money. I wish I could get her money back for her.....

It's a really bad movie. And what's embarassing even more is that in an "extra", GB goes on and on about cracking up reading the script and saying to himself "I just have to do this movie". Really?
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LegoJulie
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeThu Aug 05, 2010 10:39 am

I believe the word for that is "camp".
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pamelajane
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeThu Aug 05, 2010 10:44 am

I hope so, Julie.
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greyeyegoddess
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeThu Aug 05, 2010 3:33 pm

PJ, at least you didn't have to spend money on it.

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pamelajane
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PostSubject: Re: The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss   The Bounty Hunter: Jennifer Aniston gets a Glasgow kiss Icon_minitimeFri Aug 06, 2010 10:12 am

That's true, Alice. Smile
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